By Ben Nicholson
June 13 – Popular online game ‘World of Tanks’ is introducing a feature that pays homage to the FIFA World Cup. The game throws us some interesting geo-political possibilities and puts real world and national feuding on to an intriguing new level.
A football pitch has been designed into an area within the game called Himmelsdorf, which literally translates from German as “sky village”, whereby gamers can enjoy the prospect of merging their passions for football and destruction simultaneously.
The match is contested between three tanks on each team who move around freely, happily bumping into sideline walls, fellow tanks alike and occasionally even the ball, in attempt to maneuver said ball into a hole in the wall that plays the role of a goal.
If you are having trouble envisioning such a sport, just imagine a slightly more agile version of the England back four carrying around bazookas, which they use to hit the ball, as in a game of snooker, in the wrong direction, or, more commonly, in the direction of an opposing player.
A more robust version of last year’s infamously fragile Jabulani ball has been designed to cater for the demands of the occasion.
The emergence of this game has come at an unfortunate time for England coach Roy Hodgson, as now his decision to leave out Ashley Cole, along with his well-admired BB gun firing skills, looks like a missed opportunity.
Perhaps feeling more aggrieved though would be the USA team, for it is written into the rules that everyone must play with the same Tier 1 T-62A Sport tank that is generously provided to all registered players for free. These regulations make a mockery of the US military spending and their commitment to investing in devices competent in bestowing hurt above and beyond the regularly available equipment that are privy to every other nation.
The US have further reason to feel aggrieved for they are even disallowed fielding more tanks and weapons and tanks and other weapons than their opponents. It will be an unusual situation for US military, but they have a bold stratagem in hiring a German Commander in Chief, Jurgen Klinsmann, to choreograph their battle plan. Let’s just hope no conflict of interest arises.
It is fortunate for the tournament, and the pleasant surrounding area of Himmelsdorf, that Israel and Palestine have not qualified to play against each other, for the quaint grey environment could face a splash of fiery orange and crimson red in the face of such an encounter.
But let’s not be too hasty in predicting a trouble free tournament, as we still have to be wary of the unpredictable trigger finger of Russia, who are said to be saddened by the absence of Ukraine from this year’s tournament.
Credit must go to the organisers though for having the foresight to not provide any spectator seating for the event, thus keeping fan fatalities to a minimum… a policy that could well be implemented at the actual World Cup if England find themselves dangerously firing their own canons into the stands during a penalty shootout. In both cases evacuations would be well advised.
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