April 1 – Port of Spain – In an unexpected turn of events, formerly disgraced Austin “Jack” Warner, the ex-president of CONCACAF, CFU, ex-VP of FIFA and several other football organisations around the world, has announced his comeback into international football.
In an exclusive interview with INSIDE World Football’s Michael Smakishvili, he said: “Enough is enough. After years of ludicrous allegations, nonsensical innuendos and completely left-handed hate-mail by scores of English media, I have decided to sell the Centre of Excellence in Port of Spain, Trinidad & Tobago, sue FIFA for wrongful alienation, and come back into regional and international football. I am shocked to see that without me at the helm, nothing seems to work at all”.
This surprise announcement was followed by a series of carefully considered recommendations that “I will submit to the FIFA Congress” come June 8 in Sao Paolo, Brazil.
Warner (pictured at the helm) pledges to reduce the FIFA ExCo to three persons because “who in his right mind can get anything done with a bunch of sissies who talk nothing but foolishness all day long”. He said that he was going to present “revolutionary proposals” to world football, some of which “will hurt those tremendously who have hurt me over the years”.
It is not the first time that Warner has announced he is going to tell all but so far he has always kept his silence. “Now is different”, he said. “I will tear down the fortress of Babylon called FIFA and replace it by a new, modern building that is made of glass and will shine a bright light onto all the dark corners in world football”.
Asked whether he was not worried that some of that light might shed an unbecoming portion on his own backyard, he said: “I did not agree to this interview with you people for you to try and trick me. But let me tell you this: when I am finished with all of you, football will look the way it never has looked before”.
At this stage, Mr Smakishvili was politely asked to leave the premises.
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