If the BBC News channel had given Simon Meyerson just a little more time before England’s World Cup match against Algeria, he would have got round to the fundamental reason for the players’ collective under-performance, a reason that underlies their palpably stilted team ethic.
Doubtless we all have our opinions about what is wrong with the England set-up after witnessing an all-too familiar sleepwalking impression from the men with three lions on their shirts. For this bewilderingly abject performance, their badge should by rights have depicted three scaredy-cats. Who would have imagined that England could make the World Cup finals a football-free zone?
But the opinion of Myerson, an eminent member of the Institute of Psychology and a former member of the Tavistock Institute, carries a little more weight than that of the average, anguished England follower.
Especially as Myerson has specialised over the years in working with the minds of many English footballers, with extended missions at clubs such as Crystal Palace and Sheffield United, where - courageously - he once mediated between a disgruntled manager, Dave Bassett, and a disenchanted player, Vinnie Jones. Scary territory indeed.
So then. Are you listening, Mr Capello, to the reason for this whole sorry sporting mess?
Among the numerous problems evident in England’s appearances thus far in the finals, Myerson believes the most profound has been Capello’s misjudgement in banishing wives and girlfriends from the camp.
Meyerson’s advice to Mr Capello is simple: the cure is not to bring on Joe Cole, or Jermain Defoe, or even to alter the tactical formation. It is to bring back the WAGS.
“The absence of women is a big thing for the players,” Myerson says. “The father figure, the manager, has got stronger and stronger. But it is now a very unhappy team.
“I used to travel with teams, I slept in the same hotels as the players, I know what they did at night. They would be in the pub, and trying to score with the women. Footballers are young men who like to do what young men like to do. They have high testosterone levels.
“If you take a team away from their girlfriends and wives for a whole month it is demoralising because they give the players moral and sexual support.
“Scoring goals is like a sexual act for a team, it is about penetration. They haven’t been able to penetrate.
“Capello has knocked out the sexuality of the team. Capello’s father gave him a very brutal upbringing, throwing him into a waterfall so that he had to learn to swim, that sort of thing. The reliance of the father in this team is absolute. But it is an unhappy team.”
Not that Myerson believes we should return to the state of affairs which obtained while Sven Goran Eriksson directed the nation’s footballing fortunes. He believes the players should be sequestered for three days before their matches. But not for three weeks…
“The two regimes are exact opposites,” Myerson says. “Eriksson didn’t control. Capello controls too much.”
Myerson however believes that Capello’s decision to drop Robert Green, whose clanging goalkeeping error gifted the United States a draw in England’s opening group match, was correct. Correct, but damaging.
“It feels like it’s the right decision,” Meyerson says. “When you look at the pictures of Green when he lets in the goal, his eyes do not seem to be on the ball. They are on the left of the ball. Green is not such a senior player as David James. I don’t think he has the confidence to push around the players who are in front of him, which a goalkeeper needs to do.
“I think he was overpromoted. He ended up in this trap which Capello set for him.
“Maybe he can make a return. But I think what has happened will be devastating for him, no matter how good a front he will try to put on it. It is a major trauma when a pinnacle achievement is ripped away from you in the space of five seconds.”
The strange void in which Green made his lonely error is something which Meyerson thinks has been another big factor in the team’s lack of success so far.
“When Gareth Southgate spoke on ITV after the Algeria game about England having a ‘siege mentality’, I absolutely agreed with him,” Meyerson said. “The players seem alone. I haven’t seen any evidence of players bonding in matches.”
Meyerson also believes that Capello made a fundamental error in the lead-up to the opening game against the United States by suggesting that his side would easily defeat their first opponents.
“That is a classic mistake to make, when you say that you are going to be like gods who will walk over your puny opponents. That is the kind of statement that an opposing manager will stick on the dressing room door to motivate his own team. It is counterproductive.
“Capello comes from managerial success with club teams, but when you are working with an international team it is a different challenge. A club team may go away for three days. An international team can be away for a month at a major tournament, and adjustments have to be made.”
Further bad news for England fans - Meyerson doubts whether the national side have the wherewithal to turn their fortunes around.
“I have been watching Stuart Pearce sitting alongside Capello, and he seems very demoralised himself. I don’t think Capello is good in terms of man-management. No one can tell him the truth. If Pearce is not able to have his own personality within the squad, that is not good. This is a team that is not functioning properly - and I don’t think they have the staff to turn it around.”
Perhaps Myerson is right about the staff. But England’s fate still lies in their own hands as they prepare to face mighty Slovenia.
So bring on the girls!
Mike Rowbottom, one of Britain’s most talented sportswriters, has covered the last five Summer and four Winter Olympics for The Independent. Previously he has worked for the Daily Mail, The Times, The Observer, the Sunday Correspondent and The Guardian. He is now chief feature writer for our sister publication, insidethegames